Thursday, August 16, 2007

A Current Message From God

I know you have been wondering what God is thinking about today. Let me help you answer the question.

Hello everyone, this is God. Most of you know who I am though there’s that weird Dutch Bishop character, Martin Muskens, who seems to think that I don’t care what I’m called. I apologize for using a third-rate novelist as my mouthpiece, but all the good ones have been taken – by me! Ha! Seriously, you people seem to have a very strange way of treating the treasures that I have sent you. I loaned you Edgar Allen Poe and you let him die a raving lunatic but after a hundred years or so you claim him to be the master of the short story. I sent you Herman Melville and you let him complete his earthly life bored and depressed; a hundred years later his Moby Dick becomes known as the “Greatest American Novel”. Yet, I decide to throw you a curve ball and unload a few blonde bimbos your way and your media types cover them like they were a gift from God! Sorry, no pun intended.
I tried being patient with you people, most patient in fact. You just don’t seem to listen now do you? Abraham was cool; I gave him a single instruction and he carried it out to a tee – well, almost; I preferred roast lamb with a smidgeon of lemon juice. Anyway, I told Noah to build an ark and he followed through much to the disgust of his neighbors. Did you follow their example? Uh uh. I had to send the Egyptians ten plagues before they listened. Have you any idea on how hard it is to come up with those critters in the desert? That was the whole purpose of creating the desert in the first place; sanitized everything under a blazing sun so it would be nice and clean. What of the Jews? My people, huh? It took Ten Commandments written down in stone and they still didn’t listen until I got angry. Finally, I had enough and came down to earth myself.

You have got to read the rest of this.

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