Primary Chaos

We have less than a handful of states Caucusing and panic has set into some of the candidates.
HELLO -- There are 50 states and we haven't even heard from a major contender. What is wrong with these people? Hillary was delaminating and anxiety levels in all the candidates are starting to go off the charts.

Listen, I want a candidate who can hold themselves together when the going gets tough. I want someone who can think clearly and make decisive decisions when it matters. We don't have time for real or token emotionalism when the chips are down. In the current War On Terror we may only have seconds to take out a target before they do harm to us.

ACT PRESIDENTIAL OR DROP OUT OF THE RACE!