Saturday, June 21, 2008

Exclusive: Barack Obama and the Blustery Day

Satire by Shawn Goodwin

Children's stories.They lift up dampened spirits and create flights of fancy for both the young and the young at heart.Everyone needs an escape from reality once in a while, even the most powerful men and women in the free world.
Of course, it is expected that these movers and shakers would take a trip to Fantasy Island when they were in the privacy of their own homes.To think that potential members of a possible Presidential administration would turn to a children's book to make policy decisions is about as wise as giving Dennis Kucinich our nuclear launch codes.So, imagine the surprise the nation (and the world) received when seeing this story from the Telegraph:

Richard Danzig, who served as Navy Secretary under President Clinton and is tipped to become National Security Adviser in an Obama White House, told a major foreign policy conference in Washington that the future of U.S. strategy in the war on terrorism should follow a lesson from the pages of Winnie the Pooh, which can be shortened to: if it is causing you too much pain, try something else.
Mr. Danzig told the Centre for New American Security: "Winnie the Pooh seems to me to be a fundamental text on national security."
Winnie the Pooh?Really?All this time idiots and dolts like Washington, Lincoln, and Roosevelt wasted their lives reading Thomas Paine's Common Sense and Sun Tzu's The Art of War? If only Barack Obama had been born earlier, he could have steered these mediocre men to true greatness.

Imagine the impact that Pooh Diplomacy would have on our nation:

1776 - George Washington soundly defeats the British in the Battle of New York, after ordering his troops to avoid cannon fire by bouncing around like Tigger.

1928 - Presidential candidate Herbert Hoover is swept into office with the slogan, "A chicken in every hunny pot, and a house in every tree."

1976 - President Jimmy Carter becomes the most popular chief executive in American history after his "malaise speech" wins over the Eeyore demographic.

While Danzig is at it, he might as well throw some other beloved children's favorites into policy, too. Dr. Seuss would be a good place to start."Horton Hears A Who" can be mildly modified into "Horton Hears Iranian Bombers Overhead," because Pooh Diplomacy coddles our enemies instead of engaging them.
Note to Danzig: coddling our enemies will not endear them to America. It will give them an opportunity to strike.

Go and read the rest of this excellent piece

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